“On 17 September this year Alton Towers is to be handed over to the Muslims for a day. There will, therefore, be no music, no gambling and of course no alcohol. The rides will be segregated between men and women and your usual ten quid botulo-burger’n’fries will be prepared in accordance with halal practice. There will be prayer mats scattered around, so that you can give thanks to Allah for not having been thrown head first out of the big dipper. Who knows – perhaps they will adapt some of the rides for the day: maybe the chamber of horrors will be full of Hasidic Jews wreathed in sinister smiles.”

Rod Liddle in the Spectator, 8 July 2006